"See Colors": An advice I gave to myself

Ashie · 2021-11-30T12:05:45+00:00

It is definitely a sad world to be in and it is even sadder that this place was supposed to be a place for humanity to thrive and take reign but instead it is about survival for the fittest. What has gotten me to still be standing tall up to this point in my life is that one advice that I told myself one day “SEE COLORS”. Funny thing is you do not know what the people who say they have been in a dark place mean until you are in it and I promise you it is deeply dark in there. We never pay attention so once you are in there it is truly you and you only you, no one really understands and you do not even have the tools to dig yourself out there nor sticks or stones to just start up even a little fire to see a glimpse of hope. I have always been a happy child and all of a sudden I felt like the world has changed and there is emptiness in my heart. I felt like no one no longer understands me, no one sees me heck there were points when I thought no one loves me. I felt alone, no purpose, no friends and social media just made me feel worse. Since I had no one to talk to and I never really asked anyone about anything when they were in the dark times I really did not know what to do. It was dark and lonely and scary there. I would not wish such an experience to anyone, not even my worst enemy. I am writing this to help out somebody, somewhere because I just feel as if someone needs to see and read this to help them in their journey towards finding the light. WOAH! TAKE IT EASY Be easy on yourself. I know you feel like you are purposeless right now. I know it feels confusing and I know things go from 0 to -100 real quick, I can feel your anxiety from a mile away. I remember my experiences were filled with anxiety, it is absolutely out of control, completely weakening. I used to work for a financial advisory company as an Administrative Assistant intern and that was when my anxiety and fears were to the roof. I would wake up in the morning with a heavy heart not wanting to go to work and face people, I was invited to big meetings and I used to shake throughout. For a long time I feel like I have been struggling and am longing to go back to a place or a feeling that I do even know what it is. Just take it easy, time is a healer of everything. You should feel every fear until you get tired of listening to the fears and they will go away. You will be fine! I remember thinking that I would never succeed in life because I was so afraid of everything. I was so scared of walking on the streets, I could not keep up with group conversations because I thought that I would say something that is not smart and people will judge me but the truth is I was judging myself and I did not let my true self shine because I did not believe in the powers that I have, it is because I did not know who I am and I was not aware of my capabilities but instead I gave in to the voice in my head that kept telling me that I am not enough. A voice that is filled with lies and I allowed it to consume me but am thankful for the experience because it made me stronger and know my worth with a stronger force because there is no way I will ever allow myself to go back to that. PRAY! I understand that the topic of faith is a very difficult topic and very diverse. We all believe in different things and worship different things as well but one common thing is we can never do everything by ourselves that is why sometimes we need a force greater than who we are to perform some certain type of miracle or assistance to take us away from different situations in life that we cannot handle by ourselves. I am born in a mixed family, my mum is a Christian and my dad is a Muslim, so I was a mixture of something I can’t really define. I never really had any actual teachings of the Bible or the Quran. I was just there. When I was going through the darkest moments of my life it was a slow process for me because I did not realize I was lost until I had fallen into the pitch so deep and woke up one day and everything was gray. Understand this, Prayer is like a latent that will give you light so that you can find a way towards your light. I just had so many things and no one really to talk to because I never thought anyone would ever understand me especially as an African child I feel like sometimes mental health is not really a big issue that is talked about enough. Even though I don't really have the foundation to a proper prayer I just always felt like going down on my knees and asking for help because I have always known that there is God and he is definitely a miracle worker. I remember one day I took time and I talked to God and I was real and open and not holding back anything and I suddenly felt this weight lifted from my shoulders and heart and that peace was one of a kind and ever since I have been seeking for that feeling by praying because it is priceless. It is absolutely priceless and I would give anything to feel like that forever. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am hopeful for my future, I see as though everything that I have been visioning is possible. Yes! There are days where I fall back and go back to that heavy feeling but sometimes I choose to see it as a call from God asking me to pick up the phone and talk to him. And that mindset has helped me heal a lot because I do not beat myself up when I feel anxious or afraid or nervous. I just know it means it has been a while since I talked to my God. Find something you believe in and pray. Ask for help. If your God is good then always expect good answers, good results and everything else that is good because your experience here on earth should be good. GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK! We are on the battlefield right now, battling a devil that is eating our minds up and taking control of it. Keep fighting and do not give in to the voices. This is training, to become warriors. Some people are not as strong as you. I know some people who have given up and decided to commit suicide but you are here reading this because you have faith that there is something bigger and greater than this battle you are fighting and that is true! This is just a phase and it is a tough one. Once your mind has control and not you having control over the mind then it becomes a problem. The mind is a part of you. You are not part of the mind because you have the greater power. All the anxiety that you are feeling, the fear, the doubt is all the mind having control over your body and making you experience all the unnecessary negative emotions. So pat yourself in the back for still holding on, for pushing forward, for trusting that you have a greater purpose here on earth than what your mind is telling you. Pat yourself in the back for being a fighter and fighting every day to become the best version of yourself and telling yourself that your dreams are valid. Your dreams can come true, you are enough! If you were not needed in this world you would not have been here in the first place. Tell yourself congratulations for going to work even when you do not feel like it because you have proven to yourself that you are stronger than your mind and that is a step forward and it deserves a pat. THERE ARE DAYS WHERE YOU WILL FALL BACK, IT’S OKAY! There are days where even after healing your heart will still feel heavy and tears will no longer hold in. Just let them out, cry, cry even if no one understands just let it out. In my journey to seeing colors I have come to the understanding that I do not really have to make sense to anyone except me because no one outside of myself will ever understand how I feel inside, no one will understand my emotions except for me. So if my heart is heavy I will cry and I will not feel bad about it because I will not live with a heavy heart to please someone else. I will isolate myself if I need to because not everyone will love my darkness. I read somewhere that if you are suddenly surrounded by negative thoughts and emotions it is best to address them and feel them and understand where they are coming from and why they came and eventually that understanding will bring a certain level of clarity that will help you lift yourself up. Remember, just because we are healing that does not mean we are never to feel anything negative. What it means is that, at least you will not fall into a deep hole of negative emotions instead you just trip over a tiny hole of emotions and you may not even fall and even if you do it gets easier to pick yourself up. There are days where I do not feel good enough anymore and as if nothing is going right and as if my healing journey was just a mere dream and there is no way I will ever get better. I had to learn not to let those type of feelings define my journey, maybe just define me at that particular time because I will need to address them. I will cry about it, pray about it, sleep on it and wake up empty and free. A small lesson to take here is that Never allow anything that is not who you are to define you in any way. As long as you know who you are, never give anyone or anything the power to control how you feel about yourself. Be firm in how you have defined yourself because that is where your peace lies. CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR NEXT PHASE IS THE BEST PHASE! Best believe that once you hit rock bottom there is nowhere else to go but up! So get ready because once you awaken and you start seeing the colors life will feel exciting and full of endless possibilities. After you have done the task you must be rewarded. You will be rewarded with happiness and power. You will be rewarded with strength, you will be given the gift of inspiring others like what I am trying to do. To let you know that you are loved, you are okay, you are doing great and I am proud of you. See the colors of life. Look at the sun and see that it is yellow and be happy that the sun is yellow. Be happy that the sky is blue, the leaves are green. Be present in the morning, live now. I read somewhere and I hope this will help as well. “No amount of regret will change what has happened yesterday and no amount of worry will ever change what will happen tomorrow because it is written already, so now is all you have. So, live it!”

Thread starter Ashie
Start date Nov 30, 2021

Ashie

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"See Colors": An advice I gave to myself

Ashie

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