Kalembe Jokes

Endaku's · 2008-12-01T14:01:52+00:00

At a party a Kalembe sees a beautiful girl and invites her to dance withhim..Kalembe : Can I dance with u?The Girl : I'm sorry im a lesbian..Kalembe : Its ok its ok.. I'm a Kibwezian* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Marriage Kalembe's Girl Friend: I'm one year older than you....will it bad for ourmarriage?Kalembe : No, not at all......We'll marry in next year * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Hidden Camera'sMrs.. Kalembe caught Kalembe searching high and low all around his livingroom.Mrs. Kalembe: 'What are you searching for?' Mr.. Kalembe: 'Hidden cameras!'Mrs. Kalembe: 'And what makes you think that there are hidden camerashere?'Mr. Kalembe: 'That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching KBC channel 1'. How does he know that?'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * RelaxingKalembe was enjoying the sun at the beach in Mtwapa. A lady came and asked him, 'Are you relaxing?'Kalembe answered, 'No, I am Kalembe'Another guy came and asked him the same question.Kalembe answered, 'No! No! Me Kalembe!' A third one came and asked him the same question again.Kalembe was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.While walking he saw another person soaking in the sun.He went up to him and asked, 'Are you Relaxing?'The other man was a lot more educated and answered, 'Yes, I am relaxing.'Kalembe slapped him on his face and said,'Stupid, *****. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!' * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * HeavenKalembe died and went to heaven.When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain Âadmittance each soul must answer two simple questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T'.2. How many seconds are there in a year? Kalembe thought for a few minutes and answered.1. The two days of the week that begin with 'T' are Today and Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter said,'OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?'Kalembe replied, 'Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...'Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Wash BasinKalembe goes to a hotel in Machakos and eats heartily.After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead... The manager comes running and asks him,'Sir, what are you doing?'Kalembe replies, ' Read this board here, it says ' Wash Basin '.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * English ExamKalembe finished his English exam and came out.His friends asked him how he did his exam. He replied'Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, and thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *Answer the followingquestions in briefKalembe is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it away as well, followed by his pant, socks and watch.The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.' I am only following the instructions here,' he says, ' it says here,'Answer the following questions in brief '. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * EssayThe English teacher told all the students in the class to write an essay on a football match. All were busy writing except KalembeHe has written. 'DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH !!! '* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Petition Court serverThe Petition server: I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this election petitionKalembe : Why did you come so far ? Instead you could have posted it.* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Coffee Shop Kalembe and his wife went to a coffee shop . Kalembe said ' Hurry Up Drink quickly.....!!!'.His Wife asked why...???Kalembe said Hot Coffee Rs. 5 and, Cold Coffee Rs 10'* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Letter to his Son Kalembe was writing something very slowly.A Friend came and asked:' Why are you writing so slowly? 'Kalembe replies' I'm writing to my 6 years old son,... he can't read very fast.

Thread starter Endaku's
Start date Dec 1, 2008

Endaku's

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