Lessons in Nollywood

Mujuni2 · 2009-09-12T04:31:43+00:00

If you've been watching Nigerian movies, you will understand what this is about.. Enjoy! 24 THINGS WE HAVE LEARNED FROM NOLLYWOOD 1. Every problem you have is spiritual. 2. In every romance movie, someone must die. 3. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them! 4. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately. 5. Poisoned food always tastes better. 6. The best way to make money is by visiting a 'Babalawo' and give an offering of a relative or close friend, sleep with an 'arizto' or join a cult. One movie I watched, a guy gave his mother's heart. Very disgusting. 7. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil. 8. There is never an end to your suffering, except through death! 9. With a pastor ... all things are possible. 10. A movie can be titled anything... such as: *The boy is mine, * Face me, I face you *Two rats, *Spanner *Calculator *Igala *Ijele *Igodo *Igudu *Shigidi 11. A movie has not started if at least one actor or actress has not 'shelled' (made an grammatical blunder) or twisted her lips and rolled her eyeballs. 12. You are in love... you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is... *Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers (Popular Nigerian eateries): where you'll most probably see an ex while feeding each other. *The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully. *Or the best: take her to buy some new clothes 13. Rita Dominic is the main character of every new movie. There's no escaping her these days, be it she's a great actress, she's hard to avoid. 14. Gun shots and knock-outs (cheap fireworks) sound the same! 15. Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all!!! (Also the soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrates the whole story repeatedly - so much for suspense and intrigue!) 16. A love story has not been produced if it does not have one or two of the following actresses- * Stella Damascus Aboderin * Stephanie Okereke * Genevieve Nnaji * Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde * Rita Dominic 17. The police are extremely 'efficient' unlike their counterparts in real life. 18. An actress can wear the same hairdo for more than a year and even in longer flashbacks. 19. It is permissible to wear dark shades at night! 20. When you are shot in the chest, it really doesn't matter; your head will be bandaged! Same for your legs! 21. When advertising a movie, you really have to shout because... people are deaf? 22. When you are extremely poor, you will still be able to afford- very good furniture, T.V., but you won't be able to send your kids to school. 23. Your gateman must be inefficient and comical. He MUST dress like a retard, be rude to all your visitors and never mind his business. 24. My personal favorite- the bad guy either dies or gets caught by none other than the police- LOL!!!!!

Thread starter Mujuni2
Start date Sep 12, 2009

Mujuni2

Senior Member

Sep 12, 2009

BabaDesi

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Lessons in Nollywood

Mujuni2

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